It’s sad to see the old trades go and some would say a crime.
So let me take you by the hand and whisk you back in time.
Now where are we? Why Holloway. You’ve not been here before?
A woman’s for the drop today. Just peep in through that door.
Good lookin’-eh?-and yet she caught her husband with the maid.
A touch of arsenic in his food soon stopped the tricks he played.
The parson’s wrestled with her soul, her last meal’s on that tray,
At eight the prison guv’nor comes and we get underway.
Now did I introduce meself? The hangman—Jack to friends
And I’m a very handy bloke at tying up loose ends.
We took her weight and height so that the drop will be precise,
And set the trap with sacks of sand to open in a trice.
What’s that? You think that hanging’s wrong, it’s barbaric and cruel?
You’re wrong my friend it’s scientific, painless as a rule.
Twenty seconds dead it takes ( Sorry! No joke intended).
Timed from entering the cell to when the neck’s extended.
Well here’s the guv’nor. Time for me to justify my pay.
Just watch me close, you might pick up some tips along the way.
First, into the death cell, fit the hood, secure her hands behind.
Notice her acquiescence, she’s been drugged out of her mind.
Now guide her gently through this door. These days the drop’s inside.
Her feet placed central on the trap ensures the bolt will slide.
The rope now, nothing but the best, the knot below left jaw.
The length must let her break her neck but feet not reach the floor.
LET ‘ER GO!
Now, that’s what I call workmanship. It’s science like I said.
We’ll go down with the doctor while he certifies her dead.
You’ll note she croaked without a twitch, not even with a sigh.
I’d say that, over all, this is a lovely way to die.
We’re back now from that time before the fuzzies made their fuss
And claimed that hanging people made Barbarians out of us.
Such foolishness, self-righteousness, no wonder that they irk,
Their interference threw us honest tradesmen out of work.