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When Kevin was little, he was very proud of his tummy button. It was a big sticking out tummy button on a big tummy. He would pull up his shirt and show it to visitors. His big sister Julia said that that was disgusting, Julia was older by seven years, and Dad used to pretend that it was like the stopper on the air bed and always warned Kevin to be careful that he didn’t let the air out.

Now that Kevin was four and grown up, he had long ago given up showing it off but he still had the idea that his tummy button was special.

Then, one afternoon, when he was sitting in the games room watching cartoons on T.V., Julia came in. She grabbed the remote from Kevin’s hand with a bossy ‘givisit’ and changed the channel. What Kevin wanted didn’t matter. She wanted to watch Top-of-the-Pops and she was bigger. “I was here first. Put it back on three,” he demanded knowing that she wouldn’t. The set switched to channel three. “Stupid set!” Julia used the remote to try to return to her program on four but the television seemed to be stuck on three. “It’s all your fault. Now you’ve broken the control. I’m going to tell Mum,” Julia shouted as she stormed out. Everything was always Kevin’s fault.

It was not until after she was gone that Kevin realised that he had been pushing his tummy button. He still was. “Two,”he said. The set changed to channel two. “Back to three—switch off—on again—brighter—louder—softer.”While Kevin was pushing his tummy button, the set did everything he asked of it. Even if he whispered. Even if he just thought it. His tummy button was magic. His own remote control. So what else could it do?

The garage door opener! That had a remote. Kevin went out and stood in front of the door. “Open,” he thought, pushing his tummy button. The electric motor began running and the door began to rise. “Down,” he thought quickly. Someone might see what was happening. The door closed.

Over the next few days when no-one was around, he was able to confirm that his tummy button could work the video recorder and his father’s sound system, even his mother’s car.

The car was new and expensive. Everything was controlled by the on-board computer. It had a computer voice that reminded you to do up your seat belt or close the door, things like that.

Children should never be left in cars but Kevin’s mother was always leaving him in the car. “I won’t be a second,” she would say and dash into a shop. And she told the truth. She never was a second. More like half an hour usually. Now, for the first time, Kevin wasn’t bored with waiting. He was able to try everything out. Apart, that is, from the car alarm and horn, which would attract too much attention, and starting the engine that he thought might be dangerous. Everything obeyed. He could even tell the computer voice what to say.

From then on, the car shouted, “Whacko! Let’s go!” everytime the driver’s door was opened. When Kevin’s mother took the car to the local agents and tried to demonstrate this, it wouldn’t do it. The motor people were polite but obviously disbelieving. They wore their ‘stupid female’ smile.

The weeks passed and Kevin knew that to keep his secret safe, he must use it sparingly.

Then one day, it was another of his mother’s ‘won’t be a second.’ She was going to leave the car double parked outside the bank. Kevin, who was in the back seat, pointed out that the car that she was blocking in had its engine running. That’s alright,”she said airily, “If they come back tell them that I’m only going to be a second,” and left her own engine running. Kevin didn’t argue. He had learned long ago that you can’t reason with adults.

Some minutes had passed, when suddenly, two men ran out of the bank carrying bags. The held guns and had stockings over their faces. They were bank robbers. Kevin crouched down hoping that they hadn’t seen him. They hadn’t. The blocked-in car was their get-away car. They hesitated for a moment and then realised that another get-away car, just as good, was ready and waiting. They took it.

Kevin, scared, kept quiet as they moved off. But then a sneeze began to build up. An impossible-to-stop sneeze. It came out like an explosion. The robber in the pasenger’s seat swung around with a startled “what-tha” and pointed his gun at Kevin. “And where did you come from kid,” he snarled. Kevin could not speak. “Well just do what ya told and ya won’t get hurt.”

Both robbers had removed their stocking masks and looked like ordinary people. They had put on their seat belts. They were driving at the speed of the other traffic so that they would draw less attention. If they had this young boy sitting in his booster seat, Things would look even more normal.

When it became clear that they didn’t intend to hurt him, Kevin began to feel a little less scared. He was expecting to hear police sirens at any moment anyway. They’d be sending the car description out to patrol cars like they did on T.V. But the minutes passed and there was no sign of the police. He began to worry. Knowing his mother, maybe she still hadn’t come out to find the car missing. It began to look as though there wasn’t going to be any police. It was up to Kevin himself to stop these men and he realised that he could do it.

He pushed his tummy button and sent out thought commands. The doors locked. The engine stopped. The car alarm hooted. The lights flashed. And the car’s computer voice spoke. “Stick-em-up!—No!—What I mean is!—You’re under arrest!” The robbers gaped at each other, dumbfouded.

They were still in town and had immediately drawn attention. A crowd gathered round. Several people took out their cell phones.

The robbers tried frantically to restart the engine and silence the alarm. “You’re wasting your time,” said the car. “I’m not taking any notice. So there!’

The robbers came to this conclusion too. They would have to bail out. They waved their guns at the crowd. “Move back,” they shouted. But they couldn’t get the doors unlocked. The windows! They pushed the buttons and the windows began to wind down. Kevin had forgotten the windows. “Keep your windows closed,” he thought to the car and the window motors reversed and took the windows up again. After that, nothing worked because Kevin kept his finger on the button. “You can’t get out. You’re my prisoners,” said the voice of the car’s computer. The robbers were the frightened ones now. The car was haunted. Kevin was enjoying himself. “I can hear sirens,” the car announced a minute later and the robbers really began to panic then. “Let us go or we’ll smash you,” they shouted at the car. “Nyeh! Nyeh! See if I care,” was the car’s reply.

The robbers began kicking at the doors with all their might. They wouldn’t budge. But when they kicked at the windscreen, it popped out. By then it was too late. The police had arrived and they surrounded the car with their guns drawn. Kevin was taken back to his mother in a police car. The robbers had a ride in a police car too, in hand-cuffs. The police had been after them for a long time.

The robber’s capture was front-page news. Pictures of Kevin and his mother appeared in the newspapers and on television. Most people agreed that the robber’s account of events was impossible but, because Kevin was only four, no-one thought to ask him what really happened.

Some people, though, think that thinking machines are due to appear any day now and a group of scientists bought the car. They took it to pieces to find out what made it different. They spent hundreds of hours doing tests. Some of them even sneaked back at night hoping to be the first to have a conversation with a machine. No such luck. The car spoke nothing but its recorded warnings. Just like a parrot.

Their money ran out with no sign of success. They were disappointed: sure that the car was just pretending not to know anything. Why wouldn’t it talk to them? They decided that their group leader should use the car as his personal transport and so keep it under observation. Maybe it would make a slip-up one day and give itself away.

A few months later, this plan seemed to bear fruit. A momentary lack of attention had the scientist come close to running down a woman and small boy on a crossing. “Hey! Watch it!” said the car, “What do you think you’re doing?” The scientist pulled over quickly and parked. “See! You CAN talk,” he said triumphantly. “We knew you could.” But the car made no reply. And never would.

The woman and the small boy, both of whom he should have recognised, had turned a corner by then and were out of sight.

You can guess who the boy was.