The church emptied as those congregated followed the bridal couple out into the afternoon sun. There were the usual greetings and catch-ups from relatives who had not seen each other since the last family occasion, be it wedding our funeral, rapturous eulogies on the beauty of the bride, gushings over the bridal gown and on what a lovely couple John and Stephanie made.
One person alone remained behind in one of the pews. A woman in her late forties, neatly though somewhat severely dressed, with features that might be called handsome rather than pretty. Her face was now a disciplined mask but her eyes still showed signs of the tears that had refused to be held back during the responses. A few had glanced at her as they passed and wondered at her presence.
She had already been a cause for speculation by those around her during the ceremony. They had heard her involuntary sobs and, although she was unknown to them, had decided that she was not wholly a stranger. She had been sitting on the same side as the bride’s family but their minds could discover no relationship. She was not even remote family. Of that they were sure. The more perceptive of them might have noticed that the bride, when escorted down the aisle, had caught sight of this unknown with an obvious sign of pleasure. If so, they would also have noticed that the bride’s mother had seen her too and been far from pleased.
Welcome or unwelcome, Miss Shepherd had been unable to stay away. And the only one who really counted had shown welcome enough. Miss Shepherd was principal of Saint Margarets in another town. The school that the new bride, Stephanie, had attended as a boarder for several years and she had grown very close to the girl in that time. Perhaps closer than was really wise. It was an unusual relationship that had existed between teacher and pupil with Stephanie coming to regard Miss Shepherd as her second mother.
She had not been principal at the time which might account for the fact that Stephanie’s mother remained in ignorance of her presence on the teaching staff. Miss Shepherd had long since come to understand that Stephanie found it difficult to communicate with her mother and that there was not a great deal of warmth between them. When Miss Grainger, the former principal, had finally retired and her own name began to appear on letterheads, the situation suddenly changed.
Stephanie’s mother had stormed into Miss Shepherd’s office one morning bristling with righteous indignation, calling her hypocrite, slut, snake-in-the-grass, and worse, at the top of her voice. She had set out to damn Miss Shepherd to everyone within earshot, making it clear that she considered Miss Shepherd entirely unfit to have charge over young girls and over Stephanie in particular. It had been hard to make much sense of the accusations but it appeared that Miss Shepherd had been lying in concealment in order to steal the girl away.
Those who heard these goings-on had found the whole affair quite bewildering and more than a little ridiculous. Stephanie’s mother was assumed to be a bit potty. No-one who knew Miss Shepherd could possibly imagine the charges to be even remotely true. It was obvious, however, that the two women had known each other at some time in the past.
Stephanie had been called from her classes and removed from the school within the hour. The poor child had been very upset and unable to comprehend the reason for her removal. She wondered what she had done wrong. Her mother’s coldness toward both her and Miss Shepherd and the remarks that her mother kept tossing out seemed to indicate that the two of them had been engaged in some sort of conspiracy. But what sort of conspiracy? She had done nothing wrong that she could think of. She had been enjoying her schooling and doing well. She had always believed herself to be in good report with everyone. And now this! The mother had refused to give any explanation to the child whose every enquiry had called forth a diatribe against ’that woman'.
Actually, Miss shepherd had made a false step in the past that she would prefer to keep quiet. It was not something that would these days be considered irrepairably damaging. However, the principal of a dioceson school, responsible for forming the goals and attitudes of young lives, must at least appear to be beyond all reproach. Fortunately, Stephanie’s mother also had her own good reasons for keeping that old misdemeanour quiet.
Stephanie had been sent to another school and had also done well there, later going on to university. Miss Shepherd, being kept up with the news from time to time, had always been pleased to hear of her progress. There had been no direct communication between them, that had been most definitely banned, but they had mutual friends and had been able to keep in some sort of touch. Miss Shepherd had been one of the first to know when Stephanie had chosen the man to share her life and this well before the official announcement.
But now she was wondering if she had done the right thing in coming. Not only was she an outsider but she was positively unwelcome in a certain quarter. She could only be a distant spectator in this happy event and she herself was feeling far from happy. She could not attend the reception nor would she appear in any of the wedding photographs although she knew without a doubt that some of the prints would find their way to her. That knowledge didn’t help. At the moment she could only feel an overwhelming sense of loss and this was not a new feeling. She had always envied the mothers of her girls. True, she could give the guidance for a short time but that was not the same. If things had been different, she might have been a proud mother sharing her daughter’s day of days. Even if she did marry at this late date, it was hardly an eventuality to be hoped for.
Outside, the crowd was laughing and talking. She could hear them calling for the bridal couple to hold poses and marshalling others to stand with them for unofficial photographs. Among that crowd would be relatives that Stephanie hardly knew existed. People who meant little or nothing to her, as she possibly meant little to them at other times, but who had to be invited because they expected it and would be hurt otherwise. Even if they were heartily disliked, they had to be asked. And yet, no matter how strong the bond between herself and Stephanie, they were family and she was not.
She would stay right where she was until everybody left. She had seen the thunder on the face of Stephanie’s mother and it would be unfair to do any more to spoil her day. Her presence here must surely be seen as a dangerous threat. She would be a usurper out to win the girl’s affection away from the mother to whom it rightfully belonged. That was understandable. What mother would want to see herself supplanted? Miss Shepherd knew that she had a large share of the girl’s affection although whether, under the circumstances, she had any right to it, was a question that she could not answer.
Perhaps the mother’s poor opinion of her on the other matter was also understandable although it hurt none the less. She had been young then and young people have a tendency to act foolishly. Certainly, it had proved to be true in her case but she had no wish to use that as an excuse. Surely her course since then had provided ample rehabilitation.
If she had known back then what she knew now, she would have ordered her life in an entirely different way. She would not have put the obtaining of a good degree and a career ahead of everything else. She would have married the young man when he asked her. He was decent enough and his mistake had been her mistake as well. He had been more than prepared to shoulder his responsibilities.
Her baby had been taken from her at birth to forestall any chance of them bonding. Apparently, to make the wrench a little less painful. That was the theory anyway. But a perverse fate had refused to see things that way.