I once asked my Dad what it would be like to live in the sort of mansion that everyone must envy, to have my own fleet of expensive autos, to be seen passing regally in one of my stretch limos. Yes, from an early age I had dreams. Unfulfilled dreams!
I inherited my father’s business. It was soap! Bloody soap! I don’t mean that ‘Bloody’ was our brand. We were Glacia Soap promising housewives that their wash would come out ‘Glacia White’. Blindingly reflecting the sun’s rays. Almost needing to be pegged on the line wearing sunglasses. Unfortunately, neither my father nor I proved to be an Andrew Pears or a William or James Lever and that either as soap makers or again as salesmen. We were never more than a small player, scarcely known outside of Massachusettts and unable to command much display space. I sold out during the downturn of the eighties.
My new venture was as a spice wholesaler. I have always been a bit of a health nut and spices not only liven up bland food but almost all of them have useful medicinal qualities as well. Cinnamon, for instance, is a powerful antioxidant and has the ability to alleviate a surprisingly wide range of ailments. It is even claimed to reduce the chance of getting cancer. It has been a part of pharmocapeia from ancient times. I thought that there would be good money in spices. Back in the eighteen hundreds John L. Gardner of this city made his vast fortune from them so that his wife ‘Mrs. Jack” was able to become a patron of the arts. As you know, the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum exists here in Boston to this day and continues to be a centre for the arts. Chamber music in particular.
I have not done anywhere near as well as John L. which is probably why I allowed myself to slip a bit. Spices grow in a variety of countries and a spice wholesaler must also of necessity be an importer. This is where I fell down. Some of these countries also grow other natural products that are in high demand but not easily brought into this country so it was that I was approached by certain parties who suggested that my legitimate imports might be used as cover for their own medicinal imports. It would be just small quantities they said and barely noticable. They offered good money and we were a little strained at the time.
But you know how it is. Give in just the once and you leave yourself open to be leaned on forever and the pressure always becomes greater and greater. Their quantities gradually increased to become ever more difficult to hide among my innocuous treasure and I was kept very much in the dark even though I was the one liable to be in the gun. With growing panic I began to change my methods slightly in order to lay a trail to where the blame really lay.
And it has happened! The Food and Drug Administration have pounced on one of my shipments. It is quite possible that I could show myself deceived but not these others. I’ve seen to that! I have planned carefully. But these others have their own radical solution. I now have my chauffeured limousine and it’s a stretch limousine although it’s turquoise which is hardly my choice of colour. The big problem is that this is a Chicago style ride. I have a heavy sitting on either side of me and the wellingtons that I now wear are filled with quick drying cement.